Raw Faith

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my lack of faith, and my desire to re-kindle it. This is a slow process.

I have committed to a bible study with a couple of other guys that are in a similar place spiritually. We met to discuss the study, and what we wanted to get from it, and everyone was on the same page. Our first meeting will be in a couple of weeks. Thanks God for the body of Christ.

I am keeping a prayer journal. None of my prayers have been answered yet, but I’m not praying for small things, so I’m not frustrated by this. I have, however, learned two things through this. First, if I want affirmation that He is present in my life, then it is little use to pray for things that I know are going to happen. I need to pray for the ability to move mountains and see how He works in me through that prayer. Maybe He’ll answer and maybe not, but I benefit from it either way. Second, I have been reminded that the point of prayer is not for me to list my desires or vent all of my gripes. The point of it all is to commune with Him. Shame on me for thinking of him as some cosmic butler.

I have also been reading Search for Significance. This has been the most helpful to date. McGee talks about the various things that motivate us in our thought patterns and actions, and then debunks them with the message of the gospel. God loves you, period. If you have any questions about that, then remember; God loves you, period.

As I indicated in my previous post, I’ve been a christian for several years. Somehow I have moved past the gospel. Not intentionally or even consciously, but sadly that’s the truth. I have hidden from God because of sin (that He has already forgiven), and I have tried to earn my position in christianity through service, biblical knowledge and “being a good person.” Its not hard to see how I ended up in this train wreck.

Today, I am thankful for God’s grace. I hope that I have the presence of mind to be thankful for it tomorrow, too.

One reply on “Raw Faith”

  1. CL,
    I commend your honesty! You are not alone in this struggle! Let me know how I can be praying for you.


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